Child Proof Caps
by thexlastxfantasy
Summary: Clouds in pain, Tifa's not home, and the pill bottle hates him. What is he supposed to do? Go into a rage of course!


So I thought this up after watching my friend attempt to open her Tylenol. Let's just say it was the most entertaining three minutes of my life. Enjoy~

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><p>Cloud walked into his home, dirty and hurt from his recent battle. He gave Tifa, Denzel, and Marlene a look that said <em>give me a few minutes<em>. He walked upstairs and took a hot shower. He changed into something more comfortable and opened the medicine cabinet to find some painkillers. He groaned when he remembered Tifa hid them in the kitchen in case the kids got any ideas in their heads. He stifly walked down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen. Denzel was sitting on the couch eating potato chips and flipping through the tv channels. Cloud was going to tell him he was spoiling his dinner, but decided painkillers were more important. Marlene was coloring a picture at the kitchen table when Cloud walked in. Tifa was nowhere in sight. He groaned again.

"Something the matter Cloud?" Marlene asked, not looking up from her picture.

"Where's Tifa?"

"She went out to the store. Said something about forgetting an ingredient for dinner."

Cloud cursed under his breath as he began searching through all the cabinets. This was putting his cranky mood into full pissed off mood. He started taking everything out of the cabinets and throwing it on the floor. A box of macaroni broke open when it hit.

"Looking for something?" Marlene asked.

"No, I'm doing this for my health," Cloud snapped. Marlene immediantly stopped coloring and looked up at him. He saw hurt in her eyes and immediately felt guilty. "Sorry, I'm in pain and I can't find the painkillers."

"Oh, they're in your bedroom in the middle dresser drawer." Denzel said as he came in to throw out the empty chip bag. Cloud noticed it was the bag Tifa had bought yesterday. "They're wrapped up in a pair of your underwear." He added as he grabbed a box of graham crakers off the floor and went back to the living room. Cloud knew he should be wondering why he knew where they were, but at this point his pain was so bad he didn't give a crap.

"Tifa's going to be mad when she comes home to find this mess," Marlene began as Cloud left the messy scene.

"That's fine, I'll just blame it on you." He walked back upstairs and went into the bedroom. Just like Denzel said, the pills were hidden in a pair of his underwear. He sighed in relief as he held the bottle in his hand. He pushed down on the lid and turned it. He lifted up the lid and...it didn't come off. So he tried it again and...it still didn't come off.

"Come on," he said getting irritated. He tried three more times before he let out a scream of frustration and threw the bottle at the wall. It landed on the floor with a light thud. Cloud took a deep breath before picking it up and trying it again. And again. And again. Cloud glared at the unresponsive bottle and figured if he stuck a knife under the lid he would be able to lift it off.

"I'm so not taking the blame." Marlene said as Cloud walked back into the kitchen. She was still coloring the same picture. Cloud ignored her and stepped over the spilt pasta as he headed towards the utensil drawer. As he went to grab a knife, there was nothing there. He leaned against the counter with his head down and eyes closed and he sighed, "Marlene, where's all the knives?"

"In the dishwasher, they're all dirty though." Cloud slammed the drawer shut and opened the dishwasher, only to realize too late that it was running. A few gallons of water escaped before he quickly shut it. Marlene looked up and glanced at the growing mess that he was making. Cloud had to bite his tongue so he wouldn't let out a line of swear words in front of her. He took another deep breath and tried to open the bottle again. It still didn't budge. He twitched as he glared at the bottle. It seemed to be taunting him. The bottle was making fun of _him_.In a matter of seconds he saw red and began viciously slamming the bottle against the counter top. He stopped when he saw Denzel standing in the doorway staring at him. He dropped the now empty box of graham crackers.

"Cloud, are you okay?" He asked in a scared voice.

Cloud cleared his voice and stood up straight before he answered. "I'm fine. Make sure you clean up your mess, though." He pointed to the dropped box of graham crackers. Denzel did as he was told and walked back to the living room, not taking his eyes off of Cloud. Cloud looked at Marlene and she quickly went back to her picture. Now that he was back into a calm state, he attempted to open the bottle just like the directions said to. It still didn't work. Cloud bit his finger and silently started cussing the thing out inside his head. He threw the bottle at the counter, and it bounced back towards him and hit him in the face. Cloud twitched again and was about to go into another rage, when he noticed a knife sitting on the counter. It was covered in peanutbutter, but it would do. He wedged the knife under the lid, but it slipped out due to the peanutbutter. Cloud screamed as the knife almost hit him in the face.

"Maybe you should have washed the knife first." Marlene said, still working on that picture.

"Shut it," Cloud said as he ran the knife under warm water. He dried it off and tried again. The cap still wasn't moving, so he put more pressure until the knife began to bend. He thought he saw the lid give way a little so he added more. _SNAP!_ Cloud looked down at the bottle. He then looked at the broken knife in his hand. Marlene gasped when she saw what happened. Cloud closed his eyes as he slowly put the knife handle on the counter top. He was still for a few moments before he chucked the bottle at the ground. The bottle was unfortuantly small enough to roll under the shelf that had the microwave on top. Cloud twitch again as he turned towards Marlene.

"Where's your yard stick at?" He asked.

"Oh...it broke when I was using it to build a fort out in the yard. Tifa said she would pick me up a new one tomorrow."

"Of course it did." Cloud muttered. Enough was enough, he walked over to the wire shelf that held the microwave and yanked it away from the wall. In doing so, all the canned goods that were on the bottom shelves flew onto the ground and started rolling around, and the microwave fell to it's death while pulling the wall socket with it. Cloud grabbed the bottle and started yanking on its cap. He began smashing it against the wall, putting in indents, to the wall of course. When that didn't work he tried to use his teeth to pry it open, he slammed it in between the drawers, he used a butcher knife to saw it off, and even stood on it to break the bottle. Yet nothing seemed to work. There was one last thing that might just do it. He could run it over with Fenrir. He began to run to the garage, still yanking on the cap. On his way there, though, he forgot about the spilt water and the canned goods and dried pasta rolling around. Before he could slow down, he stepped on a can of peas and slipped. He fell on his back looking up at the ceiling, still clinging onto the bottle. Marlene walked up to him and leaned over to look at his face.

"Here," she held her picture so he could see it. It was a puppy playing in a sprinkler. On it's back she added a sword like Cloud's. "I'll trade you," she said. Giving up, Cloud handed her the bottle and he took the picture. In less than a second she flipped the cap off and handed him two pills.

"What would you ever do without Tifa?" Marlene nodded as she walked away from the now happily drugged Cloud.

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><p>"Cloud?" Tifa asked when she walked into the kitchen and saw the mess. She panicked when she saw his legs poking out behind the counter. "Cloud!" She dropped the bags and ran to his side. He looked up at her and smiled.<p>

"Glade you're home, what's for dinner?" He asked looking up at her.

"Who made this mess?" She looked around at her destroyed kitchen.

"...Marlene."


End file.
